Would You Keep Reading?
I inhaled the vapors; only the smell of scorched matches filled my open nostrils. It was as if I was falling from a plane, gently passing through the pillowed sky to meet an end that resembled spilt wine on bed sheets. All I could hear were words leaving pursed lips whispering, “give in to me.” Soft, even a tad raspy was the voice that euphorically entered through my ears, and I’m still falling. Is this how it ends? Does one truly die alone in this world of ours? I couldn’t say. Even though this fall lasts only for mere seconds, it feels endless with the clutter of thoughts rambling through this skull of mine. I open my eyes tight only for them to be closed open.
Wake up. I guess I haven’t met my end just yet, but my dreams are more vivid than this faulty black and white picture called life. I’ve been dreaming of death lately for the past 3 nights. I don’t even know if I want to go to sleep anymore. Death is such a scary thought. What happens when you die? Throughout life we as humans are taught different ways to go about it; you could go to heaven or hell, be reincarnated, or what I like to believe, simply just rot as the vile worms crawl in and out of your buried carcass. Yes, how grotesque.
Being who I am in this generation, it’s common to speak the way I do right? Wrong; no one speaks the way I do, and I never really hold a conversation with anyone. I tend to keep to myself; always have.
I awake in my twin bed flustered with every morning. The sheets are comprised of thin cotton, and my comforter of some fluffed fabric. Sometimes I’d rather crawl into a hole and sleep; it might be better. I wish I could be somewhat of a narcoleptic and sleep whenever; like cats, sleeping whenever the hell I want.
I’m constantly boxed inside white walls. Awfully plain, yet one poster along my confined cube. A college dorm is like solitary confinement without the nice padded walls. There’s some comfort but I do lack the warmth of a woman. Luckily I have lovely 7AM to wake up to in the morning and a picture of Kate Upton. Yes, I’m pathetic and lonely. It’s totally fine because I love my solitude.
Each morning it’s the same routine: wake up, eat, shower, brush teeth, put on clothes, grab bag, go to school. Yes, I said school; college to be exact. The thing about college is that it’s such a drag — mostly. You’re fed a shit ton of information that you’re expected to remember. I’m intelligent to an extent, but college bothers me. It’s the flea that continuously sucks the fluids from a meat sack. That’s what humans are.
Look around when you walk around your campus, and what do you see? You see meat sacks; mostly composed of water, they are meat just like any other animal. We’re all living trying not to think about the letter “D” when we are susceptible to it at any moment…just like any other animal.